I'm not telling my wife, or anyone else for that matter, but today I broke my $2000(plus) hearing aid. I was getting into the car, leaving the gym, and not wearing my eyeglasses. I noticed a large cashew in the cup holder that must have fallen out of the bag of mixed nuts I had for lunch. I forgot that before going into the gym I had carefully put the hearing aid safely into the cup holder, a little fortress. (Is this a senior moment?) I popped the nut into my mouth and bit down hard. It crunched and I knew. A little wad of tiny electronics spilled out, between the two hearing aid pieces in my hand. They must be damaged. Who could possibly fix these little wires and teeny lumps of important appearing items?
I will have to spring (secretly) for another hearing aid and cover my loss with, maybe, canceling a few years of gym membership. Or sell a dog.
I was sick. Thanks to Bush and company I have some serious income reductions and have money worries. The hearing aid helps keep the peace between my wife and me. I don't need max volume on the TV. I don't automatically say "what?" in response to anything she says. The hearing aid is an important item in our house.
After picking up my boy Rowdy from the vet where he was recovering from $300 (plus. I can't bear to reveal the actual amount.) surgery to remove what likely will turn out to be a wart and not the melanoma I feared, I went to the hearing aid supplier.
"I didn't have my glasses on and I stepped on it in locker room," I lied.
"This is a good break" the receptionist said. "There's an odd little dent here though. No problem. I'll take it upstairs and glue it," she said cheerfully.
....and glue it?
That's it? Glue it like a broken cup. That's it?
It is. Right now the glued hearing aid is safely enclosed in a little plastic bag, in the car in the cup holder so I can't get my hands on it until the glue dries completely, no matter how urgent the need for me to test it and make sure it still works.
The only bad thing that could happen now would be for me to spill the beans to my wife, or one of her siblings. The hearing aid story would become a defining moment. A tale told again and again and again, and summoned forever with subtle references.
Would you like another nut dear?
Please let me keep my mouth shut.